Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
