So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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