and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
