please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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