Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
