why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
