He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This is the high leading the old right now
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
