No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just want nice things and good sex
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
