How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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