oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
