Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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