he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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