I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
