Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
