Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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