I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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