two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
