Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
