actually, I'm a sock model
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
