Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
