god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
