grandma shit on top of the toilet
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
