you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Randomize
