I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
