someone threw a dead crab at me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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