were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize