Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
