Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
