you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
