Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
