god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
