Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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