I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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