is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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