i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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