I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
