New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
