Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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