you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
