You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize