Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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