garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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