She is in my trunk
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Boobs are out for the taking
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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