you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need water and some morals
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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