This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i will never coherently bang her
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
