She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
