On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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