I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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