sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
