last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
