I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
