It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
