Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
