Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
