Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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