Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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