I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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