Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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