The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
