We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
