so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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