He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
