Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
