i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
high people should be assigned attendants
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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