you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
