We won't sleep together?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
