of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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